Did you ever go on a first date that looked like love but turned out bad? Would you like to know how to encourage a relationship and avoid ever having that kind of experience again?

One of my clients called the other day to say she had the worst first date of her life. The guy who asked her out told her they would be getting together with a few friends. Then, he took her to a shopping party at his sister’s house. Not only was she expected to buy something, but his sister pressured her to become part of the sales team.

One of my friends from childhood was invited to a guy’s parent’s house for dinner for their first date. She was nervous, but she went anyway. His parents and three brothers were present. Before they had finished the salad, the family was in a heated argument. Over the main course, they were screaming at each other loud enough for the neighbors to hear. By the time dessert came, they were almost breaking the furniture. Finally, her date drove her home. When she timidly broached the subject of the family fight, he brushed it off with, “Oh. That was nothing. It’s usually worse than that”

Some bad first dates have unexpected events that are out of our control. However, here are some first date ideas that may minimize problems that can occur. Avoid the following for a first date:

Expensive restaurants

A multiple course meal at an expensive restaurant can become agonizing if five minutes into the evening you wish you had never agreed to go out with this person. Go to a coffee house, or, if you must go to dinner, pick a cheap, but cozy out-of-the-way place that is relatively quiet so you can talk. Come in separate cars.

Family and Friends

Do not take the person to meet your parents, children, or friends on a first date. Parties are not a good idea either, if your date does not know anyone there. You need a place where you can talk, but is public, so you can leave if you need to.

Movies, noisy restaurants, and crowded bars

These are not good venues for conversation. You either can’t talk, or you can’t be heard, depending on which of the three you choose.

Sitting still

Women like to sit and talk, gaze into someone’s eyes, and share. Men like doing activities. Strive for a balance of physical activity and sitting. A walk in the park and a picnic; or a trip to the zoo and a quiet dinner are possibilities. Roller skating, tennis, dancing, fishing, or hiking can all be followed by going to a coffee house or an ice cream parlor.

Exes

Never talk about your exes on a first date—especially to complain about them. There is no greater turn off. Furthermore, it’s a big red flag that you are not over them.

Unkind remarks

Do not repeat gossip, whine about your boss or coworkers, or make negative judgmental remarks about anyone. It casts a spell of darkness over your time together.

Some other ideas for first dates include: sharing a bag lunch on a public bench; meeting at a flower show; strolling through an art museum; attending a county fair; visiting a dog or horse show; watching a parade; walking along a beach or pier; investigating a flea market; or going to an arts and crafts festival.

Meeting someone new is always exciting, a challenge, and a new adventure. You never know where it’s going. And, with a certain amount of awareness, planning, and luck, you should be able to avoid—a bad first date.