As a dating coach, I find more and more women want to date men with very specific criteria. Many women know exactly what they are looking for including energy level, activities and interests, and economic status or promise.

What about you? Do you know who you want to date? Take a moment right now to think about some personality qualities that you must have in a romantic partner. Is he charming, intelligent, affectionate, healthy, active, respectful, confident, independent and enjoys culture?

Having coached hundreds of women, I have seen a common thread among the majority who do this exercise with me. These descriptions often actually describe a mirror image of the woman making the list!

Does that surprise you? Would a man who is similar to your own personality really be a good match?

Whatever happened to opposites attract? What about someone with different interests who could broaden your life experience by sharing with you? What if the guy you are seeking is willing to do the activities you like sometimes if you join him in his favorites?

Let's get real about this. If you're looking for a reflection of yourself, you are going down a narrow path that may go no where. Expecting a man to be just like you or even a girlfriend is setting an incredibly unrealistic standard. It's a rare man who is going to exhibits these qualities, and if he does, will he have enough masculinity to satisfy your needs in a partner?

I doubt it. The right man will likely never resemble you, or your girlfriends for one simple reason. HE IS NOT FEMALE. He is a MAN. Men are not like girlfriends (unless they are gay and then they might be.)

Some similarities would be great of course. But, when you think about the couples you know - do you often see two introverts together or for that matter, two social butterflies? Not usually. One person is more reserved and the other is more outgoing. And that is just one example of the differences you might encounter. Some tension is required to create the magic and the spark.

If you want a man to be a man about his life choices, his willingness to step up to the plate in a challenging situation, or to ever take the lead so you can take a rest - you'll need a real man, not a surrogate girlfriend. Or you could end up with a man with a lot of feminine energy, looking for a woman to take charge and care of him. And if that's what you want, that's totally fine and your choice, but realize what you are choosing.

My point is - be in touch with the reality of who you are seeking as a partner. If any of this rings true, take some time to re-think who you are looking for. What personality characteristics do you really need? What will help you get along and be compatible? What will make things fun, exciting and interesting? You may be surprised that you will acquire a taste for a few new characteristics that will not only make it easier to find a man, but will help you get along better and avoid previous pitfalls as well.